1. How many likes and comments you get on social media. I don’t know when it became a contest to have every status about what you ate for lunch harvest 20 people’s positive commentary, but it doesn’t mean anything about you as a person.
2. (And while we’re at it, no one should care or even have a moment of introspection over not having enough social media friends. Facebook friends not Chuck E Cheese tickets that have more value as they are added. The real introspection should be for people who have more than a thousand of them because, like, why?)
3. Whether or not you shave your personal bits, and to what extent. It’s no one else’s business what your box/ween looks like, no matter how many magazine covers tell us what the “hot new trend” is.
4. Whether or not you have had a one-night stand. Having them…
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